Don Jazzy’s Oriental Penthouse: Sense Or Over Sense

By Abiola Olatunde Aloba

There are mansions, & then there are addresses.

There are people who buy houses because they need somewhere to live. And there are those who, having acquired the means to live virtually anywhere, begin to ask a rather different question: what exactly do I want my home to do for me?

That, perhaps, is where Michael Collins Ajereh Don Jazzy, comes into this intriguing real-estate equation.

While some of his fellow stars & celebrities have understandably gone the conventional route, acquiring supposedly magnificent edifices in supposedly highbrow residential enclaves, the Mavin Records head honcho appears to have chosen something altogether more unconventional: a palatial penthouse at Lagos’ Oriental Hotel. And therein lies the question: sense or over sense?

Because this isn’t merely some glorified hotel room.

The Presidential Suite occupies a breathtaking 297 square metres, roughly 3,197 square feet, spread across 2 levels. 2 master bedrooms sit upstairs, with a guest bedroom downstairs, alongside a grand (massive) living area like a mini event space, bar, 8-seater dining space, Jacuzzi & expansive floor-to-ceiling windows that open up panoramic views across the lagoon on one side & VI on the other.

In other words, this is essentially a 3-bedroom plus duplex in the sky, with 1st class hotel services attached. And attached is putting it mildly.

The suite sits on the uppermost reaches of the hotel, with access controlled with the sort of security one would expect when privacy is not merely desirable but non-negotiable. There is a dedicated lift, restricted access & security personnel whose job, quite simply, is to ensure that everybody who gets upstairs has a legitimate reason for being there.

For a celebrity of Don Jazzy’s stature, that alone is no small luxury. Because sometimes, the greatest luxury isn’t marble. It is discretion.

Then comes the view. One side opens towards the shimmering lagoon; another takes in the restless rhythm of the Lekki-Epe axis & Victoria Island. Lagos is doing what Lagos does best below, moving, honking, hustling, seducing, exhausting, while you sit several floors above the madness, looking down upon it all from behind enormous panes of glass.

And then there is the real kicker. A Presidential Suite of this magnitude doesn’t merely give you 4 walls & a spectacular view. It brings with it an ecosystem: housekeeping, security, maintenance, power infrastructure, hospitality, pool & gym access, breakfast, minibar & the reassuring knowledge that when something goes wrong, you don’t necessarily have to pick up a screwdriver. You pick up the phone.

Published rates for the suite can run into the region of ₦1.8 million to ₦2.5 million a night, depending on the prevailing rate & booking conditions. Do the frightening arithmetic & you arrive at figures that could make even the most adventurous wallet pause: potentially hundreds of millions of naira a year. Without any discount that’s close to a billion Naira, with discount maybe closer to ₦500m. An amount the hotel would gladly welcome in one fell swoop.

But here is where the argument gets deliciously complicated.

If someone of Don Jazzy’s financial standing were to secure such a residence on a long-term arrangement, particularly with substantial advance payment, the headline nightly rate would no longer tell the entire story.

Bulk arrangements can change the mathematics considerably.

And suddenly, what initially looks like outrageous extravagance begins to resemble something rather more calculated.

Why build a mansion when somebody else is permanently worrying about the generator, swimming pool, plumbing, security, housekeeping, landscaping, maintenance & a hundred other irritating details that come with owning one? Why indeed?

For a man whose life is already a complicated choreography of music, business, entertainment, appearances, people & constant movement, perhaps the appeal isn’t ownership of another building.

Perhaps it is ownership of time. That may be the real luxury. You arrive. The room is ready. The lights work. The security is already there. The staff are already there. The gym is downstairs. The pool is downstairs.

Breakfast is a phone call away. Visitors can be screened. Uninvited guests can be politely kept where they belong.

And if the hotel is effectively your home for months or years, you are not simply occupying a suite. You are buying into the entire machinery of a 5-star hospitality operation.

That is an entirely different proposition from owning a beautiful house behind a beautiful gate.

Of course, there is one little inconvenience.

You probably can’t ask somebody to airlift your Ferrari into the living room. But beyond that?

The argument for convenience becomes remarkably compelling.

And there is another delicious twist. Don Jazzy staying there is not necessarily a one-way transaction.

A globally recognised music impresario, award-winning producer, entrepreneur & cultural heavyweight occupying one of the hotel’s most prestigious spaces is, in itself, a form of social currency.

His presence becomes part of the address. The hotel gets the association. The association gets the glamour. And the glamour, naturally, gets people talking.

Which brings us right back to the beginning.

Sense or over sense?

Perhaps the answer depends on what you think luxury is.

If luxury means owning the biggest house on the street, then perhaps Don Jazzy should have gone the conventional route.

But if luxury means having an extraordinary residence, exceptional service, security, privacy, convenience & one of Lagos’ most arresting views, without personally having to worry about the machinery required to keep the entire operation running, then perhaps this isn’t over sense at all.

Perhaps it is simply sense with a very expensive view.

And knowing Don Jazzy, maybe that is precisely the point.