Dear Bunmi,
I currently live with my boyfriend of six years, and we have a lovely three-year-old son.
I had a crush on his brother before I met him, and I’m afraid I still find him attractive.
Every time I see him, the feelings get stronger. I can’t stop thinking about him, even as I now have a son by his sibling.
My relationship with my boyfriend has always been rocky and, if his brother makes a pass at me, I will jump at the chance, regardless of the consequences.
Dear Bunmi, how can I stop lusting after this man?
Judith, by e-mail.
Dear Judith,
I wonder if you are looking for an excuse to leave your boyfriend.
If so, then stop and think, because such a relationship could only last for a while…in the process of which you would have broken off a lot of friendships and this could put too much pressure on you as a couple.
If your relationship with your partner is rocky, you must think of a way of working on it. Jumping into the arms of his brother is not an option you can even begin to consider, as you may be left with no one in the end.
Crushes fade in time.
You need to focus on your son, who needs to have a good relationship with his father. This is very important for a boy.
If you do anything to jeopardise this, you are risking his future, and whenever you think of what might have been with your man’s brother, remind yourself of this.
If you are not happy, talk to your boyfriend about ways of improving the relationship.
The only way to get his brother out of your head is to think of someone else – your son, who is this man’s nephew!
Share your problems and release your burden. Write Dear Bunmi: [email protected]
(Vanguard)
