‘I was in a dark place’ – Toke Makinwa’s ex-husband shares struggles with depression after divorce

Fitness entrepreneur and media personality, Maje Ayida, has spoken candidly about slipping into depression following his widely-publicised divorce from Nollywood actress, Toke Makinwa.

Speaking at a UK church in a video which started trending on Tuesday, Ayida recounted the emotional turmoil he experienced in the aftermath of the split. He said the intense public scrutiny left him overwhelmed with shame, forcing him to withdraw from society.

According to Ayida, the emotional strain affected his mental and professional life. He stopped working, lost business opportunities, and struggled with basic daily functions.

He said, “I will be honest about the fact that I want through a divorce which resulted in me being depressed. It was a very publicised divorce.

“And that left me feeling very alone. I withdrew from society, I was really ashamed of my situation. Not just for myself, of course, my self-esteem was affected, but legacy is very important to me. I was ashamed of what I felt I had done to my family’s name. As a result, I went into hiding.

“I didn’t want to interact with anyone. I wanted to be alone, stay at home. I stopped going to work. I found it very difficult to work. It was very hard.

“I not only lose focus but also motivation. I lose the essence of to even get up in the morning. What am I getting up for? Everyone already feels a certain way about me. So, I started to lose work as a result of it. That was when it really started to get to me.

He also admitted the loss of professional identity hit hardest, “As a man, your work is your identity, and I started to lose work, business deals so it became a real problem for me.

“That was when I made a decision. I had to make a decision for my own survival because I was living in hopelessness. It went on for weeks.

Ayida revealed that the depression lasted for a year, during which he battled insomnia and paranoia.

“I was out of the look for a whole year. I checked out of life for a year to recoup. I realised that I was in a very dark space. I was in a hole but I needed to get out of it… I was on the floor. What’s sleep? I didn’t even know what that was. I had insomnia..

“I was overly suspicious as well so the few chances that I do get to go out, I have created a scenario in my own mind that everybody is talking about me, people are looking at me. And that would just send me back into my own home.

“That feeling of hopelessness and the noise that was going on around me even though I was in silence was out of control. I made a choice. I decided that I didn’t want to stay in this space.

“I did research on how to deal with it. The top of the list of the research that I did was accountability. I took the blame on myself. It made me feel worse at first until I began to take practical steps.”

Ayida and Makinwa were got married in 2014, but the union collapsed in 2016 amid allegations of infidelity.

In 2017, Ayida sued Makinwa for ₦100 million for defamation following the release of her memoir, On Becoming, which detailed their troubled marriage.

His legal team had previously demanded that Makinwa remove the allegedly defamatory content from the book, a request she ignored.

In November 2020, a Lagos High Court sitting at Tafawa Balewa Square ruled in Ayida’s favour.

The court awarded ₦500,000 in damages from both the first and second defendants, to be paid to a charity of Ayida’s choosing. The ruling also barred further publication o the book containing the defamatory content. (Punch)