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In marriages, disagreements and conflicts are bound to arise. Individuals have different methods and strategies they use in resolving them. Some people usually resort to sharing their marital challenges with people they hold in high esteem, like religious leaders. Saturday PUNCH asked a cross-section of Nigerians about their thoughts on people reporting their spouses to religious leaders and they had these to say

I don’t think it is right
Dare Adeoye
I don’t think it is right for couples to report themselves to their religious leaders. I believe issues in marriages should be resolved between the husband and wife.
What makes them believe that the pastor or imam they are reporting their problems to have perfect relationships with their spouses. In the Holy Bible, it is written in one of the passages that, “They were naked and not ashamed”.

The nakedness mentioned here to me means the ability to manage crisis amongst one another when they arise. My wife cannot report me to anybody because our strategy for conflict resolution was designed by both of us. Our misunderstandings don’t last more than ten minutes.
The implication of inviting a third party in marital issues resolution may be counterproductive to the success of the union. No one can handle our issues better than us.

It is not a wise move
Claudia Ogorchukwu
I believe it is wise not to involve a third party when a husband and his wife are trying to settle issues. However, there are some exceptions; in a case where the other spouse is not interested in resolving the problem at hand, involving a spiritual head or mentor whom he or she listens to and respects may be a reasonable action to take (this is why we have marriage counsellors).

If the issue is one that can be resolved without the involvement of a third party regardless of the person’s social or religious status, then it is better it stays between the couple.
It is not a bad idea
OlabodeAkinluwa
In marriages, there are bound to be problems. Religious leaders like pastors or imams are usually perceived to be in a better position to counsel couples because they are seen as neutral and unbiased.

However, in a situation like this, it is better to speak to a religious leader who has a healthy relationship with me and my partner. Speaking to a religious leader, who my spouse doesn’t know will only make the situation worse.
Furthermore, getting parents involved can also be an alternative. In conclusion, inviting a third party can actually help in resolving issues that could lead to a marital crash, especially if all avenues to settle the rift have been explored.

It depends on the motive behind the action
Desewa Olagbami
In my opinion, when an individual reports, there is no communication. Reporting has to do with seeking vindication; it’s not necessarily about solving the problem at hand because the individual is obviously angry or deeply hurt.
As the “reporter,” most of the time, we feel we are right and we often wish that the spiritual leader reprimands our partner for his or her wrong. The motive behind the action is the most important thing here.

Therefore, if I am to speak on behalf of partners who genuinely have the right motives, then I would say whatever works for them is good. If they think their issues are better handled when a trusted party is involved, then good luck to them.
I’ll prefer my parents to intervene
Ibrahim Odebunmi

I seek Allah’s guidance always. Reporting a spouse to a religious leader is not the best option, especially these days when some of our religious leaders are not truthful. Issues that can prompt me to report my spouse to our religious leader are: if she is not observing her Salat regularly or seldom covers her hair.
In my opinion, if an individual decides to report their spouse to religious leaders, they should make sure they don’t do it in excess. I have seen instances where a woman took a religious leader as a small god; any little misunderstanding she had with her husband, she would report to the man. Eventually, she lost control of her home.

I’ll advise that if people need to report to their religious leaders, they should do it in a constructive way and not in an antagonising manner.
Personally, l would prefer my spouse to report me to my parents and not to a religious leader who has four wives and is still thinking of how to manage his own crisis.

I won’t be angry if my wife does such but I still prefer my parents or elder brother.
I’ll prefer he reports me to Jesus
Awele Monchie
Personally, I wouldn’t find it funny if my husband reports me to our pastor without first trying to trash things out with me because I know he’ll also be upset if the table was turned.

Communication remains the master key of any successful marriage.
I would report my husband to his head; Christ Jesus. I would talk, complain, report and earnestly open my heart to God about my husband (whatever the issue is). I expect him to also report me to his head who is also my head, when the need arises.

I’m a secretive and conservative person, so I wouldn’t like to be reported to anyone, not even to my mother. I would prefer we talk about it or mutually agree on a third party to discuss things with.
Involving a third party can be good or bad. God could use them to make a marriage work or if care is not taken, cause it to break.

I’ll prefer a marriage counsellor
Olamide Bakare
Reporting a spouse to a religious leader becomes a wrong decision when the advice rendered is incorrect or biased. Not all men of God are wise or knowledgeable about marriage. Just because he or she preaches and communes with God doesn’t guarantee his marriage proficiency.
However, if both parties strongly believe and respect their man of God, then getting him involved might work for them. Above all, a well-trained marriage counsellor is the best because they take out sentiments of religion and deal with issues based on humanity.
I don’t like it
Oga Esther Aseriabo

In the first few months or years after marriage, issues may arise between couples because they are just beginning to understand each other. Reporting is very common at this stage; so it can be pardoned.
However, as times goes on, when proper communication is built, they will have to report everything only to each other.
I don’t like the idea of reporting to religious leaders because many religious leaders are still trying to figure out their marriages. I am not saying there aren’t true and sincere mentors who can guide a couple, a religious leader should only be involved if he can actually proffer a solution and can be trusted with secrets in cases where it applies.
If my spouse reports me to a spiritual leader, I would just think he is guilty of something and needs them to help him plead with me. The reason is because I communicate my feelings to my husband easily.
It is wrong because…
Obasa Olorunfemi
I would say it is wrong because it opens the door for a third party in the relationship. However, there are situations where it is advisable for a pastor or imam to step in.

Before a pastor or imam would interfere in a marital crisis, it means it is an issue that has been unresolved before then. The question is why were those issues there in the first place and why were they not dealt with.
The second thing is that sometimes people have to involve someone that their husband or wife can listen to. This is where a pastor or imam could come in, but it has to be done carefully.

I believe in prayers and communication
Mosunmola Olagunju
I’ll say yes in a situation where the only person who the spouse listens to or who can caution him or her is a spiritual father.
No, because some people may abuse the opportunity of having someone to report their spouse to; so even when they can sort some issues out themselves, they would still go ahead to report to the spiritual leader.
Above all, I don’t subscribe to reporting your spouse, I believe in prayers and communication.

I don’t think it is right
Dare Adeoye
I don’t think it is right for couples to report themselves to their religious leaders. I believe issues in marriages should be resolved between the husband and wife.
What makes them believe that the pastor or imam they are reporting their problems to have perfect relationships with their spouses. In the Holy Bible, it is written in one of the passages that, “They were naked and not ashamed”.

The nakedness mentioned here to me means the ability to manage crisis amongst one another when they arise. My wife cannot report me to anybody because our strategy for conflict resolution was designed by both of us. Our misunderstandings don’t last more than ten minutes.
The implication of inviting a third party in marital issues resolution may be counterproductive to the success of the union. No one can handle our issues better than us.

It is not a wise move
Claudia Ogorchukwu
I believe it is wise not to involve a third party when a husband and his wife are trying to settle issues. However, there are some exceptions; in a case where the other spouse is not interested in resolving the problem at hand, involving a spiritual head or mentor whom he or she listens to and respects may be a reasonable action to take (this is why we have marriage counsellors).

If the issue is one that can be resolved without the involvement of a third party regardless of the person’s social or religious status, then it is better it stays between the couple.
It is not a bad idea
OlabodeAkinluwa
In marriages, there are bound to be problems. Religious leaders like pastors or imams are usually perceived to be in a better position to counsel couples because they are seen as neutral and unbiased.

However, in a situation like this, it is better to speak to a religious leader who has a healthy relationship with me and my partner. Speaking to a religious leader, who my spouse doesn’t know will only make the situation worse.
Furthermore, getting parents involved can also be an alternative. In conclusion, inviting a third party can actually help in resolving issues that could lead to a marital crash, especially if all avenues to settle the rift have been explored.

It depends on the motive behind the action
Desewa Olagbami
In my opinion, when an individual reports, there is no communication. Reporting has to do with seeking vindication; it’s not necessarily about solving the problem at hand because the individual is obviously angry or deeply hurt.
As the “reporter,” most of the time, we feel we are right and we often wish that the spiritual leader reprimands our partner for his or her wrong. The motive behind the action is the most important thing here.

Therefore, if I am to speak on behalf of partners who genuinely have the right motives, then I would say whatever works for them is good. If they think their issues are better handled when a trusted party is involved, then good luck to them.
I’ll prefer my parents to intervene
Ibrahim Odebunmi

I seek Allah’s guidance always. Reporting a spouse to a religious leader is not the best option, especially these days when some of our religious leaders are not truthful. Issues that can prompt me to report my spouse to our religious leader are: if she is not observing her Salat regularly or seldom covers her hair.
In my opinion, if an individual decides to report their spouse to religious leaders, they should make sure they don’t do it in excess. I have seen instances where a woman took a religious leader as a small god; any little misunderstanding she had with her husband, she would report to the man. Eventually, she lost control of her home.

I’ll advise that if people need to report to their religious leaders, they should do it in a constructive way and not in an antagonising manner.
Personally, l would prefer my spouse to report me to my parents and not to a religious leader who has four wives and is still thinking of how to manage his own crisis.

I won’t be angry if my wife does such but I still prefer my parents or elder brother.
I’ll prefer he reports me to Jesus
Awele Monchie
Personally, I wouldn’t find it funny if my husband reports me to our pastor without first trying to trash things out with me because I know he’ll also be upset if the table was turned.

Communication remains the master key of any successful marriage.
I would report my husband to his head; Christ Jesus. I would talk, complain, report and earnestly open my heart to God about my husband (whatever the issue is). I expect him to also report me to his head who is also my head, when the need arises.

I’m a secretive and conservative person, so I wouldn’t like to be reported to anyone, not even to my mother. I would prefer we talk about it or mutually agree on a third party to discuss things with.
Involving a third party can be good or bad. God could use them to make a marriage work or if care is not taken, cause it to break.

I’ll prefer a marriage counsellor
Olamide Bakare
Reporting a spouse to a religious leader becomes a wrong decision when the advice rendered is incorrect or biased. Not all men of God are wise or knowledgeable about marriage. Just because he or she preaches and communes with God doesn’t guarantee his marriage proficiency.
However, if both parties strongly believe and respect their man of God, then getting him involved might work for them. Above all, a well-trained marriage counsellor is the best because they take out sentiments of religion and deal with issues based on humanity.
I don’t like it
Oga Esther Aseriabo

In the first few months or years after marriage, issues may arise between couples because they are just beginning to understand each other. Reporting is very common at this stage; so it can be pardoned.
However, as times goes on, when proper communication is built, they will have to report everything only to each other.
I don’t like the idea of reporting to religious leaders because many religious leaders are still trying to figure out their marriages. I am not saying there aren’t true and sincere mentors who can guide a couple, a religious leader should only be involved if he can actually proffer a solution and can be trusted with secrets in cases where it applies.
If my spouse reports me to a spiritual leader, I would just think he is guilty of something and needs them to help him plead with me. The reason is because I communicate my feelings to my husband easily.
It is wrong because…
Obasa Olorunfemi
I would say it is wrong because it opens the door for a third party in the relationship. However, there are situations where it is advisable for a pastor or imam to step in.

Before a pastor or imam would interfere in a marital crisis, it means it is an issue that has been unresolved before then. The question is why were those issues there in the first place and why were they not dealt with.
The second thing is that sometimes people have to involve someone that their husband or wife can listen to. This is where a pastor or imam could come in, but it has to be done carefully.

I believe in prayers and communication
Mosunmola Olagunju
I’ll say yes in a situation where the only person who the spouse listens to or who can caution him or her is a spiritual father.
No, because some people may abuse the opportunity of having someone to report their spouse to; so even when they can sort some issues out themselves, they would still go ahead to report to the spiritual leader.
Above all, I don’t subscribe to reporting your spouse, I believe in prayers and communication.
(Punch)
